September 17. 2007

September already... where has this year gone? I keep turning around.. I'm getting quite dizzy now, and it's a new month! People are getting frosts for goodness sakes. Around here, well, it was in the 70's a few days and will go back up into the 90's for a few more days. Life is ambling along. I feel that my weeks are alikened to a musical piece accented by stacatto notes, little events, nothing melodious and flowing like I felt my weeks were at the farm, so scripted and predictable, so planned and dictated for weeks in the future. Right now, I do whatever comes up. I guess I used to think of this as intriguing, spur of the moment, exciting, something I wished to have. I am in it, and I don't like it. I like knowing what is going to happen and having a rhythm to my weeks. To know my week so well inside and out that I can cut corners to save myself time, squeeze in a little 'insert event' before heading out to so and so meeting. To have a framework that is essentially the same every week and only to add to it small events rather than having to plan out a new game plan each week. I guess I'm trying to work myself over to that end. I'm preparing my life for the eventual insertion of an 8-5 job by planning events that start after the end of the work day and are continuous and on-going. I've just this past week committed to Mon and Wed 6-6:55 workout class and Tuesday's from 6:00 - 8:30 working with refugees to help them pass their citizenship tests. Tomorrow is my first teaching lessons with Zehra (Zer-ha) and then Osman (O - s - mon). I find it quite exciting that my life will truely have a purpose to it, at least for 2.5 hrs a week when I'm actually doing something markedly good and not for myself. I guess we'll see how that goes. I just returned from my workout class at the YMCA. That currently is the highlight of my week. It is a step II class, an advanced aerobic workout. It kicks my butt and I love it.
So, that's how I've decided to add some stability to my musical piece and then the stacattoes attack. This week, I'm working Wed. - Sat. with my brother, 29 yards to cut and some landscaping. I love cutting grass. I really do. This Saturday, after finishing cutting, we're headed over to visit with the folks over at Carlyle Lake. They like to play on the jetski's and camping is key with my family. Sunday sounds like a day at the wineries. Down in Augusta, MO, about an hour away, there are about 6 good wineries that we get a group together and go visit and do all the wine tastings. Should be great fun and good to see people I haven't seen in ~2 years.

This past weekend though, was the best ever. Camping, with Joel, in Ohio. It was amazing. I really missed it and had to reflect why I hadn't been in so long. I suppose the answer I came up with is that the farm was very much like camping for me. It was secluded and cut off from outside communications and distractions - no cell phone, no fast internet, and to an extent - not really seeing anyone I knew out in public. It was in commune with nature - I can remember the infestation of Ants and misc. bugs in my rooms including mosquitos, moths and even the snake in my bathroom and the bear outside my window. I remember camping as eating well, which we most certainly did and then also for being outside in the elements - which walking up to all meals counted for while taking in beautiful scenery. Ok,... so that's how the farm is like it. Well, this weekend was just lovely for all those reasons. I got to go back to a total immersion in nature and got to hike, and walk the road to the pit toilets, to hear the crickets at night and the deer running and galloping outside the tent and sqeaking? I guess I don't know what the noise that deer make is called, but I heard it at 4 in the morning. I woke up cold in the middle of the night and heard strange noises. I smelled of campfire from burning a fire for 4 days straight. I made golden brown marshmallows, and hot chocolate by warming water over the fire. I ate the traditional camping breakfast of cooked bacon, eggs, onions and potatoes - amazingly good and yet an art to perfect getting all four done at the same time. We ate burgers and wonderful meals. We hiked along a gorge. We hiked down the gorge and peeked in at the wandering creek at 7:00 when the sun was shining at such an angle that you could look down and see 1.5'' long trout and other fish. You could see the clumps, pods, swimming and enjoying the last vestiges of warmth in the sun. People stopped all along the trail just to watch the majestic fish hover in place. We saw poppers! and ate the little blue seeds that taste of walnuts inside and remembered SteveS from the Farm and him saying that if you ever got lost in the woods that you could eat these and they'd keep you from starving, but that you'd need to eat a whole lot of them to be full. We foraged for wood. We learned how to light and love the Coleman lantern. We played Travel Scrabble and Boggle. We read our books and talked in earnest of the things to come, places we'll be and hopes and dreams. Of owning houses and land, of taking trips together and travelling the lands. I had a great time and I wish that that were my life, just living in a park and camping all the days of my life. I loved the rustic nature and the secludedness of the area we were in. Mm..... just takes me back.

So, that was about 20 min. out of Springfield, Ohio. I think we'll be making that trek again come the spring. As for the eventual living situation, NC, SC, Pitt PA, and NYC are on the list. The list grows and then shrinks. Those are the ones currently on tabs. I take recommendations from anyone on specific yays and nays for those listed. The job search continues with limited successes and some inevitable failures. I teeter totter between being ok with anxiety, being really ok with, and being sorely dissapointed in myself for not having something by now in a 30 - 15 - 55 ratio. I gots to do something about that. I'm making contacts and spreading the word and really trying to make this decision a Career path rather than a tide over job. Really trying.

Rewarding myself with small joys to keep the overall mood and tone of my life on a happy note. Rewards that are small and given only when something is over or attained. I ordered two books today by Gregory McGuire, I had to update phones because my last one stopped working. I got a red Sync and then upgraded it to a Pink Razr. Me, a pink girl? Yeah, why not? Show a little of that feminity every so often, even if it is just my phone. I got for it a MicroSD chip so that I can put a little music on it to listen to. I made some Mint/Spearmint tea today to aid in the weight loss challenge. In camping, I only gained 1 lb.! For as good as I ate, I'm pleased. Back on the veggie diet. Still doing paperwork from my car accident back in April. Can you believe new bills keep surfacing and it's 5 months later? Oh! And my driving is getting better. Driving you might wonder? Oh yes. I was soooo freaked out to drive in rain, high speeds, to an extent over bridges, in the dark, next to Semi's, but things have gotten better. I'm desensitizing to it from when I drive and from when I am driving with others. I'm sooo glad. Oh! And Also, my hand is doing so well these days. I don't have to handicap it any more, I'm able to do just about anything with it. It is only stiff when the weather changes... oh life being back to normal... :-D

I think I should stop for now, toodles.