Monday, September 17, 2007
September 17. 2007
September already... where has this year gone? I keep turning around.. I'm getting quite dizzy now, and it's a new month! People are getting frosts for goodness sakes. Around here, well, it was in the 70's a few days and will go back up into the 90's for a few more days. Life is ambling along. I feel that my weeks are alikened to a musical piece accented by stacatto notes, little events, nothing melodious and flowing like I felt my weeks were at the farm, so scripted and predictable, so planned and dictated for weeks in the future. Right now, I do whatever comes up. I guess I used to think of this as intriguing, spur of the moment, exciting, something I wished to have. I am in it, and I don't like it. I like knowing what is going to happen and having a rhythm to my weeks. To know my week so well inside and out that I can cut corners to save myself time, squeeze in a little 'insert event' before heading out to so and so meeting. To have a framework that is essentially the same every week and only to add to it small events rather than having to plan out a new game plan each week. I guess I'm trying to work myself over to that end. I'm preparing my life for the eventual insertion of an 8-5 job by planning events that start after the end of the work day and are continuous and on-going. I've just this past week committed to Mon and Wed 6-6:55 workout class and Tuesday's from 6:00 - 8:30 working with refugees to help them pass their citizenship tests. Tomorrow is my first teaching lessons with Zehra (Zer-ha) and then Osman (O - s - mon). I find it quite exciting that my life will truely have a purpose to it, at least for 2.5 hrs a week when I'm actually doing something markedly good and not for myself. I guess we'll see how that goes. I just returned from my workout class at the YMCA. That currently is the highlight of my week. It is a step II class, an advanced aerobic workout. It kicks my butt and I love it.
So, that's how I've decided to add some stability to my musical piece and then the stacattoes attack. This week, I'm working Wed. - Sat. with my brother, 29 yards to cut and some landscaping. I love cutting grass. I really do. This Saturday, after finishing cutting, we're headed over to visit with the folks over at Carlyle Lake. They like to play on the jetski's and camping is key with my family. Sunday sounds like a day at the wineries. Down in Augusta, MO, about an hour away, there are about 6 good wineries that we get a group together and go visit and do all the wine tastings. Should be great fun and good to see people I haven't seen in ~2 years.
This past weekend though, was the best ever. Camping, with Joel, in Ohio. It was amazing. I really missed it and had to reflect why I hadn't been in so long. I suppose the answer I came up with is that the farm was very much like camping for me. It was secluded and cut off from outside communications and distractions - no cell phone, no fast internet, and to an extent - not really seeing anyone I knew out in public. It was in commune with nature - I can remember the infestation of Ants and misc. bugs in my rooms including mosquitos, moths and even the snake in my bathroom and the bear outside my window. I remember camping as eating well, which we most certainly did and then also for being outside in the elements - which walking up to all meals counted for while taking in beautiful scenery. Ok,... so that's how the farm is like it. Well, this weekend was just lovely for all those reasons. I got to go back to a total immersion in nature and got to hike, and walk the road to the pit toilets, to hear the crickets at night and the deer running and galloping outside the tent and sqeaking? I guess I don't know what the noise that deer make is called, but I heard it at 4 in the morning. I woke up cold in the middle of the night and heard strange noises. I smelled of campfire from burning a fire for 4 days straight. I made golden brown marshmallows, and hot chocolate by warming water over the fire. I ate the traditional camping breakfast of cooked bacon, eggs, onions and potatoes - amazingly good and yet an art to perfect getting all four done at the same time. We ate burgers and wonderful meals. We hiked along a gorge. We hiked down the gorge and peeked in at the wandering creek at 7:00 when the sun was shining at such an angle that you could look down and see 1.5'' long trout and other fish. You could see the clumps, pods, swimming and enjoying the last vestiges of warmth in the sun. People stopped all along the trail just to watch the majestic fish hover in place. We saw poppers! and ate the little blue seeds that taste of walnuts inside and remembered SteveS from the Farm and him saying that if you ever got lost in the woods that you could eat these and they'd keep you from starving, but that you'd need to eat a whole lot of them to be full. We foraged for wood. We learned how to light and love the Coleman lantern. We played Travel Scrabble and Boggle. We read our books and talked in earnest of the things to come, places we'll be and hopes and dreams. Of owning houses and land, of taking trips together and travelling the lands. I had a great time and I wish that that were my life, just living in a park and camping all the days of my life. I loved the rustic nature and the secludedness of the area we were in. Mm..... just takes me back.
So, that was about 20 min. out of Springfield, Ohio. I think we'll be making that trek again come the spring. As for the eventual living situation, NC, SC, Pitt PA, and NYC are on the list. The list grows and then shrinks. Those are the ones currently on tabs. I take recommendations from anyone on specific yays and nays for those listed. The job search continues with limited successes and some inevitable failures. I teeter totter between being ok with anxiety, being really ok with, and being sorely dissapointed in myself for not having something by now in a 30 - 15 - 55 ratio. I gots to do something about that. I'm making contacts and spreading the word and really trying to make this decision a Career path rather than a tide over job. Really trying.
Rewarding myself with small joys to keep the overall mood and tone of my life on a happy note. Rewards that are small and given only when something is over or attained. I ordered two books today by Gregory McGuire, I had to update phones because my last one stopped working. I got a red Sync and then upgraded it to a Pink Razr. Me, a pink girl? Yeah, why not? Show a little of that feminity every so often, even if it is just my phone. I got for it a MicroSD chip so that I can put a little music on it to listen to. I made some Mint/Spearmint tea today to aid in the weight loss challenge. In camping, I only gained 1 lb.! For as good as I ate, I'm pleased. Back on the veggie diet. Still doing paperwork from my car accident back in April. Can you believe new bills keep surfacing and it's 5 months later? Oh! And my driving is getting better. Driving you might wonder? Oh yes. I was soooo freaked out to drive in rain, high speeds, to an extent over bridges, in the dark, next to Semi's, but things have gotten better. I'm desensitizing to it from when I drive and from when I am driving with others. I'm sooo glad. Oh! And Also, my hand is doing so well these days. I don't have to handicap it any more, I'm able to do just about anything with it. It is only stiff when the weather changes... oh life being back to normal... :-D
I think I should stop for now, toodles.
So, that's how I've decided to add some stability to my musical piece and then the stacattoes attack. This week, I'm working Wed. - Sat. with my brother, 29 yards to cut and some landscaping. I love cutting grass. I really do. This Saturday, after finishing cutting, we're headed over to visit with the folks over at Carlyle Lake. They like to play on the jetski's and camping is key with my family. Sunday sounds like a day at the wineries. Down in Augusta, MO, about an hour away, there are about 6 good wineries that we get a group together and go visit and do all the wine tastings. Should be great fun and good to see people I haven't seen in ~2 years.
This past weekend though, was the best ever. Camping, with Joel, in Ohio. It was amazing. I really missed it and had to reflect why I hadn't been in so long. I suppose the answer I came up with is that the farm was very much like camping for me. It was secluded and cut off from outside communications and distractions - no cell phone, no fast internet, and to an extent - not really seeing anyone I knew out in public. It was in commune with nature - I can remember the infestation of Ants and misc. bugs in my rooms including mosquitos, moths and even the snake in my bathroom and the bear outside my window. I remember camping as eating well, which we most certainly did and then also for being outside in the elements - which walking up to all meals counted for while taking in beautiful scenery. Ok,... so that's how the farm is like it. Well, this weekend was just lovely for all those reasons. I got to go back to a total immersion in nature and got to hike, and walk the road to the pit toilets, to hear the crickets at night and the deer running and galloping outside the tent and sqeaking? I guess I don't know what the noise that deer make is called, but I heard it at 4 in the morning. I woke up cold in the middle of the night and heard strange noises. I smelled of campfire from burning a fire for 4 days straight. I made golden brown marshmallows, and hot chocolate by warming water over the fire. I ate the traditional camping breakfast of cooked bacon, eggs, onions and potatoes - amazingly good and yet an art to perfect getting all four done at the same time. We ate burgers and wonderful meals. We hiked along a gorge. We hiked down the gorge and peeked in at the wandering creek at 7:00 when the sun was shining at such an angle that you could look down and see 1.5'' long trout and other fish. You could see the clumps, pods, swimming and enjoying the last vestiges of warmth in the sun. People stopped all along the trail just to watch the majestic fish hover in place. We saw poppers! and ate the little blue seeds that taste of walnuts inside and remembered SteveS from the Farm and him saying that if you ever got lost in the woods that you could eat these and they'd keep you from starving, but that you'd need to eat a whole lot of them to be full. We foraged for wood. We learned how to light and love the Coleman lantern. We played Travel Scrabble and Boggle. We read our books and talked in earnest of the things to come, places we'll be and hopes and dreams. Of owning houses and land, of taking trips together and travelling the lands. I had a great time and I wish that that were my life, just living in a park and camping all the days of my life. I loved the rustic nature and the secludedness of the area we were in. Mm..... just takes me back.
So, that was about 20 min. out of Springfield, Ohio. I think we'll be making that trek again come the spring. As for the eventual living situation, NC, SC, Pitt PA, and NYC are on the list. The list grows and then shrinks. Those are the ones currently on tabs. I take recommendations from anyone on specific yays and nays for those listed. The job search continues with limited successes and some inevitable failures. I teeter totter between being ok with anxiety, being really ok with, and being sorely dissapointed in myself for not having something by now in a 30 - 15 - 55 ratio. I gots to do something about that. I'm making contacts and spreading the word and really trying to make this decision a Career path rather than a tide over job. Really trying.
Rewarding myself with small joys to keep the overall mood and tone of my life on a happy note. Rewards that are small and given only when something is over or attained. I ordered two books today by Gregory McGuire, I had to update phones because my last one stopped working. I got a red Sync and then upgraded it to a Pink Razr. Me, a pink girl? Yeah, why not? Show a little of that feminity every so often, even if it is just my phone. I got for it a MicroSD chip so that I can put a little music on it to listen to. I made some Mint/Spearmint tea today to aid in the weight loss challenge. In camping, I only gained 1 lb.! For as good as I ate, I'm pleased. Back on the veggie diet. Still doing paperwork from my car accident back in April. Can you believe new bills keep surfacing and it's 5 months later? Oh! And my driving is getting better. Driving you might wonder? Oh yes. I was soooo freaked out to drive in rain, high speeds, to an extent over bridges, in the dark, next to Semi's, but things have gotten better. I'm desensitizing to it from when I drive and from when I am driving with others. I'm sooo glad. Oh! And Also, my hand is doing so well these days. I don't have to handicap it any more, I'm able to do just about anything with it. It is only stiff when the weather changes... oh life being back to normal... :-D
I think I should stop for now, toodles.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
September 12
Well,
Life is going. I'm not sure that anyone is at the steering wheel.
Things are going ok. I guess I have my good moments and my bad. I'm looking for a job that everyone believes is what I need to be doing. I hear a lot, oh you don't want that job, you can do better and why would you want to do that? Oh... it would be so easy to take a job that I know I'm more than capable of doing, something easy for me, needed for others and somethign that would just be a job that I need. That's what I'm looking for right? A job? Well... I guess it's more, this time, I'm looking for a job that has a career tag attached to it and that makes all the difference. I told myself I wouldn't get into another 'tide-over' job and keeping myself held to that standard is pretty difficult. I'm good at clerical/secretarial stuff, I even enjoy it... so why then am I always told, You can do better than that, don't settle. I work from 8-12 each day on my job search and then tell myself that the rest of the day I've earned off. Any more than that, and it just gets tough. Tough because I'm not hearing the right answers and most often because I'm not qualified. I know I can do it, how can I convince them that I can. Most often I've been frustrated with being told NO by a computer rather than a person. A computer that scans my resume for certain words or a computer that gives me questions to answer and denies my application based on the answer to one question - a question that I'd addressed in my cover letter already. I'm frustrated. I don't like Corporate America at the moment, I don't want a job like that, I want to take the easy way out. And another beef I have with the system is job related experience. How can you get job related experience if all the jobs require 1 year of previous experience already... Or working with money, how can you have 6 months cash handling experience? I've purposefully shied away from jobs that just handle money as they didn't seem to have a higher dimension than stocking and running a cash register. I'm tempted to ask the places that denied me based on lack of cash handling experience if they'd like me to go work for Mickey D's and dumb down my resume for 6 months just so that I can have cash handling experience. AGBHHGHGHGHAWHG
Yeah, little frustrated.
Beyond that overlying pressure of not having a job, I get other things done. I'm almost to 5 lbs in my weight loss challenge. I have gone to the gym religiously since I joined over a month ago and started a step class on Monday - it is such a good workout. I broke my phone and got a new one, a pretty pink razer... me, a pink girl? Who'd have thought. I've bought a suit and dress shirt and shoes and then this afternoong, I got some new work out pants. I've recently printed my favorite photos and put them in a book - they are all ones of outside and are gorgeous. Makes me get the urge for going....
Just now got off the phone with a lady who I'm going to be volunteering with coming soon. She is a coordinater for services offered in the St. Louis Area and helps to teach English and Citizenship to immigrants/refugees who have their citizenship test coming up. I'm excited about it!
Reading currently:
Nineteen Minutes
The Man who Mistook his Wife for a Hat and other Clinical Tales
101 Great Answers to the Toughtest Interview Questions
Favorite Things to do these days:
Tearing up old to-do lists/condensing 5 to-do lists into one
Step on the scale in the morning to see how well i'm doing!
Going to the gym, I love the endorphins
The last two days, it has gotten a bit cool in the air. Highs in the mid 70's and getting down into the 50's at night. Quite a different feel to it.
Tomorrow, after grasscutting, I'm headed out to Ohio. I was supposed to go next weekend, but we moved it up. Actually, if the long term forecast is right, we're avoiding being 4 for 4 on getting rained on the entire weekend while camping. This would be a treat if we can beat it. So, off we go tomorrow to meet about 1/2 hr. outside of Springfield, OH. Packed all night tonight and then just food and clothes tomorrow. Just smelling the lovely smoke smell on these items makes me long for long nights at the fire. A bit of work to prepare to go, but oh so worth it.
Step Class, Day 2 went a little better. I did most of the exercises without getting exhausted. I never would have thought they could be that challenging. Guess I should get some sleep if I'm going to be driving ~6 hrs tomorrow. SO, catch you on the flip side...
Life is going. I'm not sure that anyone is at the steering wheel.
Things are going ok. I guess I have my good moments and my bad. I'm looking for a job that everyone believes is what I need to be doing. I hear a lot, oh you don't want that job, you can do better and why would you want to do that? Oh... it would be so easy to take a job that I know I'm more than capable of doing, something easy for me, needed for others and somethign that would just be a job that I need. That's what I'm looking for right? A job? Well... I guess it's more, this time, I'm looking for a job that has a career tag attached to it and that makes all the difference. I told myself I wouldn't get into another 'tide-over' job and keeping myself held to that standard is pretty difficult. I'm good at clerical/secretarial stuff, I even enjoy it... so why then am I always told, You can do better than that, don't settle. I work from 8-12 each day on my job search and then tell myself that the rest of the day I've earned off. Any more than that, and it just gets tough. Tough because I'm not hearing the right answers and most often because I'm not qualified. I know I can do it, how can I convince them that I can. Most often I've been frustrated with being told NO by a computer rather than a person. A computer that scans my resume for certain words or a computer that gives me questions to answer and denies my application based on the answer to one question - a question that I'd addressed in my cover letter already. I'm frustrated. I don't like Corporate America at the moment, I don't want a job like that, I want to take the easy way out. And another beef I have with the system is job related experience. How can you get job related experience if all the jobs require 1 year of previous experience already... Or working with money, how can you have 6 months cash handling experience? I've purposefully shied away from jobs that just handle money as they didn't seem to have a higher dimension than stocking and running a cash register. I'm tempted to ask the places that denied me based on lack of cash handling experience if they'd like me to go work for Mickey D's and dumb down my resume for 6 months just so that I can have cash handling experience. AGBHHGHGHGHAWHG
Yeah, little frustrated.
Beyond that overlying pressure of not having a job, I get other things done. I'm almost to 5 lbs in my weight loss challenge. I have gone to the gym religiously since I joined over a month ago and started a step class on Monday - it is such a good workout. I broke my phone and got a new one, a pretty pink razer... me, a pink girl? Who'd have thought. I've bought a suit and dress shirt and shoes and then this afternoong, I got some new work out pants. I've recently printed my favorite photos and put them in a book - they are all ones of outside and are gorgeous. Makes me get the urge for going....
Just now got off the phone with a lady who I'm going to be volunteering with coming soon. She is a coordinater for services offered in the St. Louis Area and helps to teach English and Citizenship to immigrants/refugees who have their citizenship test coming up. I'm excited about it!
Reading currently:
Nineteen Minutes
The Man who Mistook his Wife for a Hat and other Clinical Tales
101 Great Answers to the Toughtest Interview Questions
Favorite Things to do these days:
Tearing up old to-do lists/condensing 5 to-do lists into one
Step on the scale in the morning to see how well i'm doing!
Going to the gym, I love the endorphins
The last two days, it has gotten a bit cool in the air. Highs in the mid 70's and getting down into the 50's at night. Quite a different feel to it.
Tomorrow, after grasscutting, I'm headed out to Ohio. I was supposed to go next weekend, but we moved it up. Actually, if the long term forecast is right, we're avoiding being 4 for 4 on getting rained on the entire weekend while camping. This would be a treat if we can beat it. So, off we go tomorrow to meet about 1/2 hr. outside of Springfield, OH. Packed all night tonight and then just food and clothes tomorrow. Just smelling the lovely smoke smell on these items makes me long for long nights at the fire. A bit of work to prepare to go, but oh so worth it.
Step Class, Day 2 went a little better. I did most of the exercises without getting exhausted. I never would have thought they could be that challenging. Guess I should get some sleep if I'm going to be driving ~6 hrs tomorrow. SO, catch you on the flip side...
Sunday, September 2, 2007
September 2, but in the earllllly AM
So, Joel is here. We're in the middle of some pretty carefully planned and packed days. We're seeing anyone and everyone in St. Louis on a whirlwind tour along with every festival, since it is after all, Labor Day. There are many festivals this weekend. Muddy Blues Festival, Japanese Festival at our Botanical Gardens, Bosnian Festival, Greek Festival and the Fair and Air Show. We're hitting just two of them, but they were great. We had sushi, a sumo demonstration, ikebana - flower arranging, bonsai, a speaker named Liza Dalby - author of this book about geisha, and karate and other martial arts demonstrations. There were tons of people all at this festival and then we hopped from there to the Greek Festival for marinated kabobs, a greek appetizer plate and a baklava sundae. There is much more to tell about the dancing and music and running into festival goers all over ... OH! And the highlight had to have been the weather. 85 for the high with no humidity and cloudless skies. It was amazing. After both festivals, we headed over to my sister's place for a BBQ and drinks and watching the Cardinal's game. It was a great night, we just got in. Tomorrow is packed and yesterday was nice too. We went to the gym to work out together and play raquetball! and to St. Louis Bread Co - known to everyone else as Panera - for dinner and then to The Melting Pot for dessert. A somewhat ritzy to-do place in West County (High society area) where we had the flaming turtle dessert. A bowl of chocolate fondue with caramel and pecans mixed in and then an assortment of things to dip in as it sits in the warmer on the table. Cheesecake, brownies, pound cake, bananas, strawberries and marshmallows. It was pretty tasty, I'm not going to lie. And yes, still on the weight loss challenge - and that it is, a challenge. I hope the next few weeks go better than these first few.
No word on any jobs... I'm working on reviewing my resume though with career services at my old resume to at least make it more appealing. I can't say as though I thought it was dynamite before, but that is the goal to change it a little bit now. Spent 7:30-5:30 on Thursday working in one of my token days of work per week. Between the three of us, we cut 16 lawns and cut up and carted off a tree that came down in a power outage last weekend. A power outage that left us without it for 24 hrs - not that long compared to most times it goes out - but without a refrigerator that blew a circuitboard when the power surged.
So much more to write, but must sleep, tired...
No word on any jobs... I'm working on reviewing my resume though with career services at my old resume to at least make it more appealing. I can't say as though I thought it was dynamite before, but that is the goal to change it a little bit now. Spent 7:30-5:30 on Thursday working in one of my token days of work per week. Between the three of us, we cut 16 lawns and cut up and carted off a tree that came down in a power outage last weekend. A power outage that left us without it for 24 hrs - not that long compared to most times it goes out - but without a refrigerator that blew a circuitboard when the power surged.
So much more to write, but must sleep, tired...
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