What is your quest? To find a purpose
What is your favorite color? Purple!
Ok. So, I have a job. I hate my job. I hate working for 'the man'. I hate corporate America. I can't even pretend to like it. I have a difficult time accepting my bosses who are money-grubbing fools. I don't like going to my job. I don't like my commute. I hate traffic with a passion. SUV's who think they are above the weather gods and can drive 50mph in 3'' of slush can go to hell quite frankly. You know what? Before the farm, I was fine. I was good. I was ok living in my world of naivete. I was okay with corporate America. Post-Farm, I suck at it. I hate it. It grinds on my very nerves. Every penny pinching job and action I do at work seem pointless. Yes, I'm doing my job, and I'm doing it very well. However, I get no satisfaction from it. I go home at the end of the day saying, yeah, good job, everything you didn't finish will still be there again tomorrow. It's getting to me. I find myself sinking into a funk, wishing it were time to quit this job and be on to the next... the next step of life. Hell, I'm getting married, that'll change things up. I'm ready for adventure and challenges. Instead, I'm in a job that believes in many things I don't appreciate any more, living in a house I grew up in, and in a city that I've outgrown. I guess you could say, I'm feeling a bit fruitless in my pursuit. I let things go that should have been finished long ago - Christmas cards - I still have 14 here that I'm going to send out... sometime. I just now cleaned my room to make it liveable after a few months.
I can go on, but I think I'm just whining. I think I need a new job. Has anyone else had a successful follow up to their job on the farm? Can really my best job in life be said that I was a cook on a farm?!!?
In other news, I'm getting over a 3 week long sinus infection reminiscent of my one from last Spring that landed me at the hospital and have thus been living in a haze for 3 weeks. Having a migraine for 2 of the 3 weeks made life amazing. Can you sense my sarcasm? * DRIP DRIP*
It just snowed a foot yesterday after a winter when we've had more snow than ever in my lifetime... hey, i thought I moved away from New England! It's Wednesday, and... it was also 80 degrees Sunday. In the happiest news of all, Joel gets here on Friday! He's coming in for his Spring Break, the last of his career as he is graduating in MAY!!! He'll be here in the 'Lou for the summer and then will be in NYC until I get there :) There we go, I feel like I'm in Peter Pan, that's my happy thought, the one that makes me float off the bed and fly...
Read some good books of recent: The Omnivore's Dilemna and I did just finish, Eat Pray Love. Both were pretty decent books, though oddly if you had asked while I was reading them if I liked them, I'd have said no. Odd... In retrospect, I enjoyed them, truly. I think the mood you go into a book with is often reflected in how you think about said book, or at least in my case it is.
Um, I've been reading correspondences from everyone, but with little energy to respond. I'm hoping to have that communication back up shortly. The meds are still tuning me out hard core.
I do miss cooking. I miss the big saucepans, 20 lbs. of beef and perfectly well done eggs in the morning. I miss the frangrances of the herbs, the chatter of our Argentinian Chef and the white board. I miss putting away stock, ducking in the fridge during the warm summer months and picking herbs out back from the garden. I miss the fresh veggies from Steve-o, the furtive glances of the hungry in the doorway, and the people. Nostalgia takes ahold of me every so often and I'm literally transported back into a time, a moment. A taste, a smell, a song even can take me there. It's special and I love those moments.
I just needed to put something, anything on paper. Now that the drought is over, I think I can write again more freely. BTW, I love reading everyone's blogs. It makes me feel like I'm talking to you. Peace.